Starting Again

Okay for almost 4 weeks I slacked off big time. I was ill and then the kids were off for 2 weeks and then I had a cold that made me cough anytime i breathed hard so I damn near had zero exercise for a month and it showed. I felt horrible again and very unsexy. I was sluggish and unmotivated. This week I started over. I feel great! I completed almost 3 hours of cardio this week and I did crunches the other 2 days. It is really hard to stay motivated.

H-A-double L-O-W-double E-N That's spells Halloween!

Another Halloween has come and gone and once again we are awesome!




We found a pretty cool transformer costume online and Andrew claimed it right away. I couldn't understand how to make it happen but Larry was able to just look at the picture ands assemble it in his head. It wasn't until I was helping him put the fabric cover on that I finally understood how it was supposed to work.



Nicholas came up with his costume on his own and I think it is pretty clever. If we had planned it better we could have done more but overall it was a good idea.



Josh was easy. A black sweat suit and contact paper bones, ta da, a skeleton!



Logan had to be piglet. No doubt about it, all of his brothers were piglet at the same age and it such a cute costume. When Nick wore it he was often mistaken for a girl and we corrected everyone who said something, well 3 kids later when people commented on how Logan was, "such a pretty little girl," we just smiled and said thanks. My how times have changed.

Where has the time gone?

Yesterday was Andrew's 6Th birthday, I can't believe he is 6 already.






It doesn't seem that long ago that Nick was 6.

I have felt a little confused about Andrew's birthday. On one hand I am so proud of him and how much he has grown. I sent him to school a baby and he is becoming a little boy right before my eyes. On the other hand, I sent him to school as a baby and they sent home a little boy. As much as I enjoy them growing up and learning new concepts, laughing at new jokes, understanding so much of the world around them; it is a glaring reminder that they are growing up and my little baby is gone. When I sent him to preschool last year he seemed so small. His book bag was tiny and he was shy and nervous to start. I was nervous as well. This year he is riding the bus to school and has homework. He brings lunch money and ties his shoes.

Last night he told Larry and I that he didn't feel smarter now that he was six. When he turned five he learned that 200+200=400 and he didn't learn anything on his birthday so he wasn't smarter. It cracks me up that they associate their birthday as THE DAY that they grow taller and become older.

Over all I think this picture sums up what Andrew thinks of his birthday and being six.

Rewind

I was looking through pictures and wanted to write about some days that have passed by.



This is from the 4Th of July parade. The kids and I spent the whole week before making these snazzy hats to wear to the parade. Low and behold, Casey's kids forgot theirs and mine didn't want to wear them anymore. Logan was the only one who enjoyed our hard work.




Stephanie was so cute walking in the parade. Nick didn't want to be in it this year and opted to sit on the sidelines and watch. I think he just wanted to collect candy.















Larry and I bought this pool for Logan and this is the one and only time he used it outside. The hose wouldn't reach so I had to spray the pool from afar and hope some water made it into the pool. There were a million bees and wasps swarming around, the grass was incredible long and it was HOT. He spent a few minutes playing and then it officially became an inside pool.



















These are just cute pictures taken in the front room.

Backspace

Yesterday I started writing a post and went off on a tangent, I couldn't believe the feelings that came pouring out as I was typing. I tried not to think to much about how it sounded or if it was complete sentences and just wrote. I ran out of time, I was sitting here writing and I let the kids sleep for much longer than I should have, when I heard Logan waking up I paused my post and didn't submit it. I really had every intent to go back on and finish it but this morning I am grateful to the backspace button. In hindsight, nothing I wrote needed to be said out loud and it was therapeutic just releasing the thoughts. I have always heard that keeping a journal was beneficial but didn't realize that it would affect me.


In Logan news, the Dr suggested starting Logan in a program called First Steps, for speech therapy. I was a little surprised because he is only 15 months but on the other hand, both Andrew and Josh are taking speech so why not Logan as well. I mean, obviously we need help in the language development category. At least my mom thinks so. We decided to hold off for now and see if it improves by his 18 month check up.

I forgot...

I am now up to 20 minutes in the morning. I am feeling proud and determined. This is the most I have ever committed to myself and it would be such a waste of time to give up now. Just keep going...just keep going! That's my new motto in life. lol

50's Festival

We went to the 50's festival on Saturday and had a pretty good time. Of course the kids acted like hooligans in the morning and after threatening to not go at all we decided that we were going for us but they couldn't have any fun unless they started acting better. Once we got going the kids did straighten up and behave so of course we let them have fun with the bounce house and slide. As I was watching the kids slide down on the little sacks provided it reminded me of when I was a kid and we would always attend the local carnival. I think it was the Boys and Girls club or maybe it was Scouts. I remember that my grandpa was involved in it. They had a giant slide, it was so high it made your stomach lurch as you slid down on the scratchiest, brown, straw sacks ever. It itched your legs and was rough against your skin but we loved to slide down over and over again. This slide seemed so small. Is it or did I get bigger? I am sure teh slides are shrinking.

Baby steps...

We have taken our next little step in living healthy. Yesterday we went on a bike ride together. Andrew and Nick were awesome and kept up incredibly. We rode from our home to the park and then we each went around the park once with Nick. I was shocked at how I didn't feel exhausted. When we bought the bikes a couple of years ago, my legs would be burning after just a few blocks, but this time my legs are fine. We both remarked on how little we felt sore, our legs were fine. Our butts were a different story. I didn't even know I could bruise the areas of my behind that are sore right now. Larry thinks we should invest in the big, old lady style, cushy seats and I agree.

Josh and Logan sat in the bike trailer and seemed to enjoy the ride there. Logan decided on the way home that he had enough. He was hot and tired, (he missed his 2ND nap) and hungry, (I packed bad snacks for him). He screamed the entire way home, well almost the entire time. Larry stopped at the little grocery store and bought him a ring pop to eat, after that he was loving the last 3 blocks.

Still Going!!

I can't believe that I am still getting up at 5 am and doing the short routine. We are now doing 7 minutes instead of 5 and next week will be 11 minutes. I hoped that it would get easier to wake up and exercise but it has not been easy. When the alarm goes off I have to talk myself into getting out of bed and Larry is not helping me. He will pull me back into bed to snuggle for 20-30 minutes more and then there is no time to exercise in the morning. Next week is going to be harder since Larry is working double shifts so I have to get up and do it for myself. I have been focusing on doing it so that Larry will do it as well. He is off the hook next week so I will have to be very strong and make myself get up. We'll see!

Day #2

Okay so I was less enthusiastic when the alarm went off this morning but I immediately got out of bed and stretched before making my way downstairs to do my 5 minutes of exercise. Larry not so much. He got a little overzealous on the elliptical yesterday and the pain shooting through his legs was enough to keep him off the elliptical for a while. However, after completing my 5 minutes I had time to load the dishwasher and wipe off the counters, then I moved on to the back porch and started laundry...GASP...I hope that becomes a habit. I have always wanted that gene where you can't fall asleep unless the dishes are done. Maybe I can become that kind of mom?

A new start!

Today is the first day we are committing ourselves to a better lifestyle. It has been a long time coming to this point. Years of reading, researching, analyzing, hoping, trying, and failing have lead us to this day. Larry and I (mostly I but he has agreed to go along with it) have decided to change our life. We have tried in the past to lose weight by exercising or dieting but now it is time for us to banish those terms from our vocabulary. We are eating healthy and becoming active. Starting this morning we both woke at 5am which was a struggle. Immediately we began doing a light exercises for 5 minutes. Nothing too strenuous because we are trying to build a habit before we begin losing the weight. I made a healthier breakfast and enjoyed 15 minutes of solitude while Larry showered and the kids slept. I know this is not ground breaking news or a radical change but it is a start and we are committed to seeing it through.

Never Again?

I can't seem to wrap my brain around Logan being the last child. For most of the day, I'm fine with it. It makes sense financially, it is a lot of work, we don't have any more room in the house, etc... I get it, I don't like it! Logan turned one and I realized that this last year was it, no more tiny infant, no more breast feeding, no more baby, he is moving into toddlerhood and that is all I have left. Sometimes all I can think about is having another child and being pregnant agian. I know it is not the right time and I know that I need to concentrate on the family I have, but everday in the back of my head I am aware of how much time is passing and I am not having any more babies. I will never be pregnant again. I really feel a sense of loss of how I define myself. I am not ready to move pass this stage. I am sad.

Schools In and Out

I started school yesterday in the loosest of meanings. I logged on to the online course and introduced myself but it's a start. Larry also started yesterday and he seemed excited. The kids seem excited for Larry as well. I know we have talked to them before about what he is going to school for but last night they seemed mesmerized that he was going to be melting metal together. My school isn't as cool since I'm reading and not using hot, molten, steel to join scraps of metal together.

Today is Nicks last day of school and I am so happy. This year seems to be the longest and the shortest year ever. When I look back on the rainy, snowy days of dragging the kids in and out of the house to and from school ugh it seems like we did that forever. On the other hand, Logan's first year has flown by. I can't believe he is going to be 1 next month. HE is walking along furniture now and shaking his head no. He doesn't want to stand on his own or walk with you and he hates his shoes.

The Park

Don't you wish you could bottle this kind of happiness and open it again on a rainy day?

Here We Go Again

We must be out of our minds to have another kid go for surgery. Josh had his tonsils removed this morning. It is amazing the difference between Andrew and Josh with the same surgery. Andrew woke up sad (like his mommy) and cried. He seemed confused and sick to his stomach. Josh on the other hand woke up PISSED!!! He was very adamant about wanting his Popsicle, mom, and his dad!!! When we got to the room the nurse was struggling to hold him down so he didn't yank the IV out of his arm. I tried to calm him down and explain that the IV was to help give him medicine which he replied (via screaming), "I DON'T WANT MEDICINE, I WANT TO GO HOME NOW!!!!" They gave him some more Morphine to calm him back down and he fell back asleep in my arms. Once he woke up again he was like night and day; sweet, loving, and quiet.

While we were waiting for Josh to be able to go home, grandma called to tell us that Nick is complaining of a severe sore throat. We get back home with Nick and Josh and I went to pick up Andrew at school, he says he feels bad and he looked pale. Great, just what we need, Strep Throat, Throw up, and Josh recovering from surgery. It should be a fun weekend.

Am I Done?

I am really struggling with coming to terms with not having anymore babies. Larry is very sure he is done.

Honestly every logical part of my brain is telling me that I am done. I am set to start culinary school on May 28th, I have dreams of opening my own bakery and having another baby could delay that for a while, Larry is wanting to change career fields and having another baby would make him stay put for longer for insurance and stability, we only have a 2 bedroom house and the boys already share 1 room.

But the illogical part, the part that is very hormonal, is crying over the thought of never having another baby. It is not even at the never really. I want to be pregnant again now! I know that life will do as it wants and who knows in a few years everyone might change their mind or circumstances can change, I know all that and yet I find that I am focusing on being pg. I would get pregnant today if DH said okay but in the back of my head my brain is telling me to go to school, I have been wanting to go for years.

The other night while watch Idol Gives Back I was really upset and mad at myself for being so selfish in wanting another baby when so many mothers around the world are losing their babies and struggling to take care of them. But it doesn't change the almost primal urge I have to have another baby.

Should have

Today I should have started school at the Art Institute but instead I am attending Ivy Tech at the end of May. It sounded so easy before, I just find the school I want to attend and apply for financial aid...bam I would go back to school. It doesn't work that way or so I have learned. The Art Institute is going to cost me too much so instead I have opted to go to the community college. I was nervous that it was going to be substandard but after taking the tour I am really excited to attend. They have a very up-to-date kitchens, certifications, small classrooms, blah blah blah... May can't come fast enough for me now!


Logan is getting so big. He learned to clap last week and now claps for everything.
"Yeah I threw my sippy cup"
"Yeah, I knocked over the mail"
"Yeah, I said DaDa"
He is pretty cute. We are working on blowing kisses and "So Big" but mostly he just claps...
"Yeah, Mommy can say So Big"

Scince Fair

Last night Nick won 1st place in the Science Fair 2ND grade-experiment division and is going to move on to the Regional Science Fair in March. We are so proud of him. Larry was not really digging the whole Fair idea and didn't really seem to interested in the process. He was a great help to Nick and I know Nick really enjoyed working with him on this project, but I think if Nick could have opted out of being in the Science Fair, Larry would have let him. But after walking around the Fair last night and looking at some of the other projects there Larry started coming up with some new ideas for next year. He definitely likes a challenge. So hopefully Nick and Larry will continue to enjoy doing these projects together. I am so surprised that his first time entering he did so well.

On My Way

I am so excited!!! Last night Larry and I went to the Art Institute to gather some information on attending their Baking and Pastry program for me. We sat through the presentation and took the tour and I fell in love. I applied on the spot and today I am very proud of myself. I know I would have never made it into the building if Larry wasn't there right next to me, he is so supportive and understands me so well, I love him.

Tubes, Tonsils, and Adnoids... Oh My

It is becoming the end to a very long day and much needed sleep is on its way. Andrew and Logan went in for surgery this morning. Dr. Hackett said Logan would be back in our arms in 10 minutes and honestly he must have performed the surgery in the hallway because there is no way I could have even walked the hallway that fast. Andrews was longer of course but so far so good. He woke up crying (I expected that) and was upset for a couple of hours but for lunch he had a hot dog and for dinner he had soup and salad. Who would have thought?

ENT

Okay, now we have another child getting tubes in his ears. Logan went to the ENT yesterday and is scheduled to have it done on the 25th with Andrew. Are we crazy to have both kids done at the same time? I don't think so. Hopefully they will respond well to surgery and all will be okay.

Joshua has started inflicting himself with bites and scratches. as I write this it makes him sound off his rocker but I think he is just seeing what happens. After his scratches scab over he has taken to pulling off the scabs because he doesn't like the way they feel.

I met Larry for lunch yesterday. I love when we have an opportunity to just be alone doing nothing. When we do happen to find that time it always reminds me of an "Everybody Loves Raymond" episode where Debbie and Ray go on a date and try not to talk about their kids. They end up having a conversation about butter. ha ha Sometimes that is us.

New Year

Wow, it has been a very fast year. Logan has started sleeping through the night which has been wonderful. When I look at him I can't believe he might be our last baby. Sometimes when I see his little hands or feet I think this could be the last little baby hand or foot of mine. On the other hand I think about having all the kids independent and opening a bakery. I don't know if I want another one or not.

Nick's birthday was yesterday. It is so weird to think he is 8 years old. I am a completely different person than I was 8 years ago. I look back and think about what was important to me then and how certain things upset me. I am more laid back now and not as uptight about what people think. At least I think I am less uptight. Maybe I need to see what other people think, lol.

Andrew is going to have his tonsils removed and tubes put in on the 25Th this month. I am nervous for him. I know my own tonsillectomy was a fluke and that Andrew has the risk of bleeding internally but more than likely he will be just fine. I am trying not to let Larry see that I am scared for Andrew. He would think it is silly because it is not going to happen again. And at the same time I am trying not to let my mom see that I am nervous because she is convinced it is going to happen again and I don't want her to worry.

Josh is proving to be a computer wizard. HE gets on his computer and makes it do things that me and Larry can't figure out what he does. For a kid who can't read he can navigate the computer very easily. We wanted to hook the Internet up for the boys but now we are not sure what they might come across or what computer system Josh will hack into.