Am I Done?

I am really struggling with coming to terms with not having anymore babies. Larry is very sure he is done.

Honestly every logical part of my brain is telling me that I am done. I am set to start culinary school on May 28th, I have dreams of opening my own bakery and having another baby could delay that for a while, Larry is wanting to change career fields and having another baby would make him stay put for longer for insurance and stability, we only have a 2 bedroom house and the boys already share 1 room.

But the illogical part, the part that is very hormonal, is crying over the thought of never having another baby. It is not even at the never really. I want to be pregnant again now! I know that life will do as it wants and who knows in a few years everyone might change their mind or circumstances can change, I know all that and yet I find that I am focusing on being pg. I would get pregnant today if DH said okay but in the back of my head my brain is telling me to go to school, I have been wanting to go for years.

The other night while watch Idol Gives Back I was really upset and mad at myself for being so selfish in wanting another baby when so many mothers around the world are losing their babies and struggling to take care of them. But it doesn't change the almost primal urge I have to have another baby.