Am I Done?

I am really struggling with coming to terms with not having anymore babies. Larry is very sure he is done.

Honestly every logical part of my brain is telling me that I am done. I am set to start culinary school on May 28th, I have dreams of opening my own bakery and having another baby could delay that for a while, Larry is wanting to change career fields and having another baby would make him stay put for longer for insurance and stability, we only have a 2 bedroom house and the boys already share 1 room.

But the illogical part, the part that is very hormonal, is crying over the thought of never having another baby. It is not even at the never really. I want to be pregnant again now! I know that life will do as it wants and who knows in a few years everyone might change their mind or circumstances can change, I know all that and yet I find that I am focusing on being pg. I would get pregnant today if DH said okay but in the back of my head my brain is telling me to go to school, I have been wanting to go for years.

The other night while watch Idol Gives Back I was really upset and mad at myself for being so selfish in wanting another baby when so many mothers around the world are losing their babies and struggling to take care of them. But it doesn't change the almost primal urge I have to have another baby.

Should have

Today I should have started school at the Art Institute but instead I am attending Ivy Tech at the end of May. It sounded so easy before, I just find the school I want to attend and apply for financial aid...bam I would go back to school. It doesn't work that way or so I have learned. The Art Institute is going to cost me too much so instead I have opted to go to the community college. I was nervous that it was going to be substandard but after taking the tour I am really excited to attend. They have a very up-to-date kitchens, certifications, small classrooms, blah blah blah... May can't come fast enough for me now!


Logan is getting so big. He learned to clap last week and now claps for everything.
"Yeah I threw my sippy cup"
"Yeah, I knocked over the mail"
"Yeah, I said DaDa"
He is pretty cute. We are working on blowing kisses and "So Big" but mostly he just claps...
"Yeah, Mommy can say So Big"

Scince Fair

Last night Nick won 1st place in the Science Fair 2ND grade-experiment division and is going to move on to the Regional Science Fair in March. We are so proud of him. Larry was not really digging the whole Fair idea and didn't really seem to interested in the process. He was a great help to Nick and I know Nick really enjoyed working with him on this project, but I think if Nick could have opted out of being in the Science Fair, Larry would have let him. But after walking around the Fair last night and looking at some of the other projects there Larry started coming up with some new ideas for next year. He definitely likes a challenge. So hopefully Nick and Larry will continue to enjoy doing these projects together. I am so surprised that his first time entering he did so well.

On My Way

I am so excited!!! Last night Larry and I went to the Art Institute to gather some information on attending their Baking and Pastry program for me. We sat through the presentation and took the tour and I fell in love. I applied on the spot and today I am very proud of myself. I know I would have never made it into the building if Larry wasn't there right next to me, he is so supportive and understands me so well, I love him.

Tubes, Tonsils, and Adnoids... Oh My

It is becoming the end to a very long day and much needed sleep is on its way. Andrew and Logan went in for surgery this morning. Dr. Hackett said Logan would be back in our arms in 10 minutes and honestly he must have performed the surgery in the hallway because there is no way I could have even walked the hallway that fast. Andrews was longer of course but so far so good. He woke up crying (I expected that) and was upset for a couple of hours but for lunch he had a hot dog and for dinner he had soup and salad. Who would have thought?

ENT

Okay, now we have another child getting tubes in his ears. Logan went to the ENT yesterday and is scheduled to have it done on the 25th with Andrew. Are we crazy to have both kids done at the same time? I don't think so. Hopefully they will respond well to surgery and all will be okay.

Joshua has started inflicting himself with bites and scratches. as I write this it makes him sound off his rocker but I think he is just seeing what happens. After his scratches scab over he has taken to pulling off the scabs because he doesn't like the way they feel.

I met Larry for lunch yesterday. I love when we have an opportunity to just be alone doing nothing. When we do happen to find that time it always reminds me of an "Everybody Loves Raymond" episode where Debbie and Ray go on a date and try not to talk about their kids. They end up having a conversation about butter. ha ha Sometimes that is us.

New Year

Wow, it has been a very fast year. Logan has started sleeping through the night which has been wonderful. When I look at him I can't believe he might be our last baby. Sometimes when I see his little hands or feet I think this could be the last little baby hand or foot of mine. On the other hand I think about having all the kids independent and opening a bakery. I don't know if I want another one or not.

Nick's birthday was yesterday. It is so weird to think he is 8 years old. I am a completely different person than I was 8 years ago. I look back and think about what was important to me then and how certain things upset me. I am more laid back now and not as uptight about what people think. At least I think I am less uptight. Maybe I need to see what other people think, lol.

Andrew is going to have his tonsils removed and tubes put in on the 25Th this month. I am nervous for him. I know my own tonsillectomy was a fluke and that Andrew has the risk of bleeding internally but more than likely he will be just fine. I am trying not to let Larry see that I am scared for Andrew. He would think it is silly because it is not going to happen again. And at the same time I am trying not to let my mom see that I am nervous because she is convinced it is going to happen again and I don't want her to worry.

Josh is proving to be a computer wizard. HE gets on his computer and makes it do things that me and Larry can't figure out what he does. For a kid who can't read he can navigate the computer very easily. We wanted to hook the Internet up for the boys but now we are not sure what they might come across or what computer system Josh will hack into.